Why can’t Miss Piggy count to 70?
Because she gets a frog in her throat at 69.

Why can’t scientists find a cure for AIDS?
They can’t get the laboratory mice to arse fuck.

Why can’t women read maps?
Because only the male mind can comprehend the concept of 1 inch equals a mile.

Why did dinosaurs have sex under water?
You try to keep five hundred pounds of pussy wet!

Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
He heard the snow blower coming.

 

Why do women have small feet?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Why did God create Adam before he created eve?
Because he didn’t want anyone telling him how to make Adam.

Why did God create alcohol?
So ugly people would have a chance to have sex.

 

 

Why did Raggedy Anne get thrown out of the toy box?
Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio’s face moaning, “Lie to me!”

Why did the Avon lady walk funny?
Her lipstick

Why did the gay guy think his lover was cheating on him?
He came home shit faced.

Why did the gay man take two aspirin with his Viagra?
So sex wouldn’t be such a pain in the arse.

Why did the lumber truck stop?
To let the lumber jack off.

Why don’t men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.

Why don’t witches wear panties when flying on their broomsticks?
Better traction.

Why don’t women wear watches?
There’s a clock on the stove!

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
They already have boyfriends.

Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
When it’s time to go back to his childhood, he’s already there.

Why is a woman’s pussy like a warm toilet seat?
They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.

Why does a dog lick its penis?
Because it can’t make a fist.

Why was Tigger’s head in the toilet?
He was looking for pooh!

Why is the space between a woman’s breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

Why do bunnies have soft sex?
They have cotton balls

Why do female skydivers wear jock straps?
So they don’t whistle on the way down.

Why do horny women order at Subway?
Footlongs

Why do women have two holes so close together?
In case you miss.

Why do women pierce their bellybutton?
Place to hang their air freshener.

Why do women wear black underwear?
They are mourning for the stiff they buried the night before.

Why does a bride smile when she’s walking down the aisle?
She knows she’s given her last blow job.

Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg?
They don’t stop for directions.

Why doesn’t Smokey the bear have any kids?
Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.

Why don’t Canadians have group sex?
Too many thank-you letters to write afterwards.

Why did the woman get thrown out of the riding stable?
She wanted to mount the horse her way.

Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls!

Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week?
Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other three days a week!