Blonde Jokes

Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists? A: The rest are hunt’n peckers. Q: Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? A: Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards Q: What’s the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde? A: One’s a phony buck. Q: Whats better than roses on a naked blonde? A: Her Tulips ( two lips ) on your organ! Q: What is every blonde’s ambition in life? A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet. Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and bigfoot? A: Bigfoot has been sighted. Q: What can save a dying blonde? A: Hair transplants.. Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets! Q: How is a blonde like peanut-butter? A: They spread for the bread. Q: Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room? A: They have to pull their own pants down. Q: Why did the blonde get blown up into pieces A: Because she bought a Palestinian Blow Up Doll from the Sex Shop Q: Why do blondes wear panties? A: To keep their ankles warm. Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? A: Her IQ goes up! Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? A: Trying to hold on to a thought. Q: How do you keep a blonde in the shower all day? A: Give her a bottle of shampoo which says “lather, rinse, repeat.” Q: How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? A: There is white out on the screen. Q: How does a blonde turn on the light after sex? A: Opens the car door. Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? A: Because it said ‘concentrate’. Q: Why are blondes bad at Hide and Seek? A: Because they can never find the sausage. Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A: When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking. Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common? A: They both swallowed a lot of semen. Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde? A: Butter is difficult to spread. Q: Why do blondes always want boob jobs? A: Because it’s the only job they are qualified for. Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk? A: The cow fell on her. Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche? A: You don’t lend the Porsche out to your friend. Q: How do you drown a blonde? A: Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool. Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? A: She moved. Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle? A: They both get fucked up when they’re on their back. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? A: It takes too long to retrain them. Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a computer? A: You only have to punch information into a computer once. Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde? A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver. Q: How do you kill a blonde? A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads. Q: What do you call a blond with a brain? A: A golden retriever. Q: Why did the blonde couple freeze to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? A: They went to see “Closed for the Winter”. Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel? A: Because her boyfriend was also blond! Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you? A: Pull the pin and throw it back. Q: Why dont blondes talk while having sex? A: Their moms told them NEVER to talk to strangers. Q: What’s five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A: A blonde parade. Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a broom closet? A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once. Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England? A: She found out Big Ben is only a clock. Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold? A: They don’t have to worry about blowing their brains out. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband’s car? A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe. Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator? A: The blonde works in the dark! Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? A: Her ankles. Q: What do Blondes say after sex? A1: Thanks Guys. A2: Are you boys all in the same band? A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers? Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? A: The more you bang it the looser it gets. Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach? A: So her male would get delivered to the right box. Q: What do you call a hundred blondes stacked up on each other? A: An air mattress. Q: Where do you look for blondes’ obituaries? A: Under “Home Improvements.” Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? A: She fell out of the tree. Q: What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? A: She sticks it in the microwave! Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common? A: They’re both empty from the neck up. Q: Why was the blondes’ belly button sore ? A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too. Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs? A: Because that’s what they train for all their lives. Q: Why did the blonde have square boobs? A: Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the box! Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? A: She saw “911” on the back and thought it was a Porsche Q: Why does a blonde dog have lumps on his head? A: From chasing parked cars! Q: Why did the blonde jump over the glass wall? A: So she could see what was on the other side! Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach? A: So her male would get delivered to the right box. Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears? A: So she wouldn’t get Hearing Aides. Q: What do blondes and dog shit have in common? A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A: You can park in the handicap zone. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? A: Because, that’s where you’re supposed to wash vegetables! Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? A: So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills. Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes? A: A whine cellar. Q: What happened after the blonde ran to meet her long lost twin sister? A: She got 7 years of bad luck for breaking her nose on the mirror Q: How do you keep a blonde busy? A: Put “flip” on both sides of a piece of paper! Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill? A: Because it kept falling out. Q: How did the blonde burn her nose? A: Bobbing for French fries. Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool? A: Air bubbles. Q: What do you call an unmarried blonde in a BMW? A: Divorcee’ Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years. Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces? A: From eating with forks. Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms. Q: Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? A: It took her a month to realize she could play it at night. Q: Why did the blonde keep taking off and putting the Pepsi bottle cap back on? A: Because it said, “Sorry, try again.” Q: What do you call a blonde with pigtails? A: A blow job with handle bars. Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes? A: Toes go in first. Q: Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? A: Because she heard the drinks were on the house. Q: What do you get when you put two blondes in the freezer? A: Frosted flakes. Q: What’s a brunette’s mating call ? A: Has that blonde gone yet? Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom? A: So she can have a doggie bag for later. Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach? A: So her male would get delivered to the right box. Q: Why do blondes wear underwear? A: They make good ankle warmers. Q: How do you know when a blond’s been in your frige? A: Lipstick on the cucumbers! Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: You don’t. They’re born that way. Q: What do Blondes say after sex? A1: Thanks Guys. A2: Are you boys all in the same band? A3: Do you guys all play for the Swans? Q: Why don’t blondes like making KOOL-AID? A: Because they can’t fit 8 cups of water in the little packet. Q: Why did the blonde give up bowling for screwing? A: The balls are lighter, and you don’t have to change shoes. Q: What’s the quickest way to get into a blondes pants? A: Pick them up off the floor. Q: Whats the difference between a pregnant blonde and a lightbulb? A: You can unscrew a lightbulb Q: What do blondes and railroad tracks have in common? A: They get laid all over America. Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? A: “Oh look! Donut seeds!” Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? A: “Thanks for the refill!” Q: Why do blondes have more fun? A: Because they don’t know any better. Q: What did the blondes right leg say to the left leg? A: Nothing, they haven’t met! Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ? A: Because they’re simple, easy and they taste good. Q: what is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? A: Trying to hold onto a thought. What do you call a brunette between two blondes? A mental block. Q: What goes “Vroom…screech…vroom…screech…vroom…screech?” A: A blonde at a flashing red light. Q: Why can’t blondes be cattle ranchers? A: They can’t keep their calves together! Q: What’s a blonde’s favorite nursery rhyme? A: Humpme Dumpme. Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ? A: “‘Debbie’…that’s cute. What did you name the other one ?” Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds? A: Because at 69 they blow a rod… Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. A: “Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.” Q: What does a bowling ball and a blonde have in common? A: You can put three fingers in both of them, throw them in the gutter, and they’ll still come back for more. Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? A: Because she kept throwing away all of the W’s A blonde went to the bathroom. She had to go #2. She got out of the bathroom and she went to her mom and said look mom I found a friend! Q: What does a blonde and a tornado have in common? A: At first there’s a lot of sucking and blowing and then you lose your house! Q: What do u call a blond with 2 ponytail ? A: A blowjob with handelbars! Q: How can you tell if a blonde woman is having a bad day? A: If she is wearing a tampon in her ear and she cant find her pencil. Q: If a blonde and a burnette were to jump off a bridge at the same time witch one would hit the water first? A: The burnette cause the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions. Q: Why did the blonde highjack a plane and demand to be taken to Jeopardy A: Because she was told that 1000 jobs were in Jeopardy. Q: how do you recognise a blonde at the beach A: They were their g-strings back to front Q: What do you call a blond who never took a shower A: A dirty blonde

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